"To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him is the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement."
St. Augustine of Hippo
St. Augustine of Hippo
The dating world can be brutal; full of fake profiles, unrealistic expectations, and daunting questions like "will I be single forever?" and "is the my guy/girl really out there?". Lucky for you, God has not wasted a second worrying about your relationship status, because he has it all under control. Take a minute, to read through some of our FAQs to find out more about Catholic dating!
FAQs
What should a first date look like?
A first date should be casual. Take them to a coffee shop, get some ice cream, or grab a bite to eat; then take a walk around town after...if its going well. If not, totally fine, thank them for the date and leave. The first date is not an interview for marriage, this is an outing where two people who are interested in knowing more about each other, go out, and do just that, get to know each other.
Talk about your likes and dislikes in topics like music, food, traveling, and hobbies. See if you have things in common like how many sibling you have or where you both grew up or if you were involved in similar high school clubs. What's on their bucket list? Are they introverted or extroverted? Are they a morning person or a night owl. What do they do for work? Where did they go to school?
Basic questions allow you to build interest, as well as help give you a feel for whether you have chemistry together. Avoid going too deep on a first date. Your life story is a great gift, hold those cards close for someone who will truly honor it. Sirach 6:6 reads "let those who are friendly to you be many, but one in a thousand be your confidant." You do not owe anyone your vulnerability. Nor do they owe you theirs. Most importantly, have fun! You're hopefully going out with someone because you are interested in them. Have a laugh, and enjoy getting to know them.
How do I know if they are interested?
You never really know until you put yourself out there. Consider asking yourself these questions if you think somebody is interested in you: Do they spend a lot of time with you? Do they initiate conversations with you frequently, text you often and reply in a timely manner? Do they remember past conversation points and bring them up again to show you they were listening? Do they feel comfortable talking about their life to you? You could also look at how they act around you. Do they seem happier around you? Is your time together full of laughter? Is there a sense of peace and security around each other?
At the end of the day, if you are interested in someone, tell them. Seek so as to find.
What if they say no to a date?
Don't stress, their response does not define your worth, but you do have an obligation to respect their answer and take them at their word. Don't assume their no means "maybe" or "not yet". Remember this, you had the courage to ask somebody out! If you did it once, you can do it again.
So Catholic dating...that means we need to pray together on every date and go to mass together right?
Prayer is a very important part of your everyday life, so it makes sense that it would be an important part of your relationship as well! Inviting the person you are dating to prayer is a great way for them to get to know you, but if being with them during prayer is distracting, that's okay too. You are still allowed (and encouraged) to have an individual prayer life! Going to mass and adoration are very specific and intimate parts of your prayer life as a Catholic, don't feel pressure to go to mass on the first date - if you don't want too. The time will come when you will feel comfortable praying with your significant other, however, if that time does not arise - ask yourself why you don't feel comfortable praying with them. Don't be ashamed to help your relationship by asking questions.
Am I allowed to date someone who is not Catholic?
You are allowed to date whomever you choose. The question should come down to, does this person make you into the best version of yourself? Do they see your value as a person and respect it? Do they honor your boundaries? Do they support your goals? Do they encourage you in your faith and inspire you to know God more? If you can answer yes to these practical questions, that is reason to step into a defined relationship with them. In the context of a defined relationship, that is the place to ask bigger question like; is it a priority for your spouse to attend mass with you and is it a priority for your children to be raised in the church and receive all their sacraments?
Dating someone outside of your faith is a challenge. But in the end, you need to ask yourself the question: Will a relationship with this person bring me closer to Jesus?
What is chastity?
Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man's belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman. The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift. Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. "Man's dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end." Genesis 17.
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, section 2337-2339. Click here to read more.
What are sins against Chastity?
2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.
2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.
2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.
2355 Prostitution does injury to the dignity of the person who engages in it, reducing the person to an instrument of sexual pleasure. The one who pays sins gravely against himself: he violates the chastity to which his Baptism pledged him and defiles his body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.140 Prostitution is a social scourge. It usually involves women, but also men, children, and adolescents (The latter two cases involve the added sin of scandal.). While it is always gravely sinful to engage in prostitution, the imputability of the offense can be attenuated by destitution, blackmail, or social pressure.
2356 Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them.
Is it a sin to have sex before marriage as a Catholic?
The short answer is yes. Why? Sex is a gift and – like all gifts – has to be used appropriately. God has designed sex to occur within marriage. According to the Bible, marriage occurs when a man and a woman “become one flesh.” Thus the consummation of a marriage happens during a sexual union. When two people don’t commit to be together for the rest of their lives, sexuality becomes tied to a tentative relationship, something that can be ended at any moment. If we engage in such an intimate, powerful experience as sex with someone we aren’t committed to, then in effect we are using the other person’s body to feel good, either physically or emotionally.
There is another reason. Sex is a delicate, intimate, emotionally charged experience. When someone experiences this extremely powerful bond and suddenly is abandoned, that causes great pain, feelings of loneliness and yearning. Instead, sexuality should be an expression of unity for life, just as newlyweds vow to be with each other until death does them apart. If you wait until marriage, having sex will truly be “making love” and will be a unique experience with that one special person.
Check out this article for more information: Catholics Come Home
To read more about the specifics of church teaching on sex before marriage check out this link to the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
A first date should be casual. Take them to a coffee shop, get some ice cream, or grab a bite to eat; then take a walk around town after...if its going well. If not, totally fine, thank them for the date and leave. The first date is not an interview for marriage, this is an outing where two people who are interested in knowing more about each other, go out, and do just that, get to know each other.
Talk about your likes and dislikes in topics like music, food, traveling, and hobbies. See if you have things in common like how many sibling you have or where you both grew up or if you were involved in similar high school clubs. What's on their bucket list? Are they introverted or extroverted? Are they a morning person or a night owl. What do they do for work? Where did they go to school?
Basic questions allow you to build interest, as well as help give you a feel for whether you have chemistry together. Avoid going too deep on a first date. Your life story is a great gift, hold those cards close for someone who will truly honor it. Sirach 6:6 reads "let those who are friendly to you be many, but one in a thousand be your confidant." You do not owe anyone your vulnerability. Nor do they owe you theirs. Most importantly, have fun! You're hopefully going out with someone because you are interested in them. Have a laugh, and enjoy getting to know them.
How do I know if they are interested?
You never really know until you put yourself out there. Consider asking yourself these questions if you think somebody is interested in you: Do they spend a lot of time with you? Do they initiate conversations with you frequently, text you often and reply in a timely manner? Do they remember past conversation points and bring them up again to show you they were listening? Do they feel comfortable talking about their life to you? You could also look at how they act around you. Do they seem happier around you? Is your time together full of laughter? Is there a sense of peace and security around each other?
At the end of the day, if you are interested in someone, tell them. Seek so as to find.
What if they say no to a date?
Don't stress, their response does not define your worth, but you do have an obligation to respect their answer and take them at their word. Don't assume their no means "maybe" or "not yet". Remember this, you had the courage to ask somebody out! If you did it once, you can do it again.
So Catholic dating...that means we need to pray together on every date and go to mass together right?
Prayer is a very important part of your everyday life, so it makes sense that it would be an important part of your relationship as well! Inviting the person you are dating to prayer is a great way for them to get to know you, but if being with them during prayer is distracting, that's okay too. You are still allowed (and encouraged) to have an individual prayer life! Going to mass and adoration are very specific and intimate parts of your prayer life as a Catholic, don't feel pressure to go to mass on the first date - if you don't want too. The time will come when you will feel comfortable praying with your significant other, however, if that time does not arise - ask yourself why you don't feel comfortable praying with them. Don't be ashamed to help your relationship by asking questions.
Am I allowed to date someone who is not Catholic?
You are allowed to date whomever you choose. The question should come down to, does this person make you into the best version of yourself? Do they see your value as a person and respect it? Do they honor your boundaries? Do they support your goals? Do they encourage you in your faith and inspire you to know God more? If you can answer yes to these practical questions, that is reason to step into a defined relationship with them. In the context of a defined relationship, that is the place to ask bigger question like; is it a priority for your spouse to attend mass with you and is it a priority for your children to be raised in the church and receive all their sacraments?
Dating someone outside of your faith is a challenge. But in the end, you need to ask yourself the question: Will a relationship with this person bring me closer to Jesus?
What is chastity?
Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man's belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is integrated into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman. The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift. Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. "Man's dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end." Genesis 17.
According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, section 2337-2339. Click here to read more.
What are sins against Chastity?
2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.
2353 Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young.
2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.
2355 Prostitution does injury to the dignity of the person who engages in it, reducing the person to an instrument of sexual pleasure. The one who pays sins gravely against himself: he violates the chastity to which his Baptism pledged him and defiles his body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.140 Prostitution is a social scourge. It usually involves women, but also men, children, and adolescents (The latter two cases involve the added sin of scandal.). While it is always gravely sinful to engage in prostitution, the imputability of the offense can be attenuated by destitution, blackmail, or social pressure.
2356 Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape deeply wounds the respect, freedom, and physical and moral integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them.
Is it a sin to have sex before marriage as a Catholic?
The short answer is yes. Why? Sex is a gift and – like all gifts – has to be used appropriately. God has designed sex to occur within marriage. According to the Bible, marriage occurs when a man and a woman “become one flesh.” Thus the consummation of a marriage happens during a sexual union. When two people don’t commit to be together for the rest of their lives, sexuality becomes tied to a tentative relationship, something that can be ended at any moment. If we engage in such an intimate, powerful experience as sex with someone we aren’t committed to, then in effect we are using the other person’s body to feel good, either physically or emotionally.
There is another reason. Sex is a delicate, intimate, emotionally charged experience. When someone experiences this extremely powerful bond and suddenly is abandoned, that causes great pain, feelings of loneliness and yearning. Instead, sexuality should be an expression of unity for life, just as newlyweds vow to be with each other until death does them apart. If you wait until marriage, having sex will truly be “making love” and will be a unique experience with that one special person.
Check out this article for more information: Catholics Come Home
To read more about the specifics of church teaching on sex before marriage check out this link to the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Media Resources
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Articles:
The 5 Cardinal Sins of Dating - Lifeteen Blog Dating Advice for Men and Women - Pints with Aquinas What to do When the Person you like Isn't Catholic - Lifeteen Blog What Does The Bible Say About Sex Before Marriage? - Catholic Match Cohabitation and Church Teaching - Catholics Come Home |
Podcasts:
Catholic Dating , How Far is to Far Before Marriage, and Spiritual Intimacy - Ask Fr. Josh Podcast Same-Sex Attraction 6 Part Series - Restore the Glory Podcast Answering Your Questions About Dating: ft. Dr. Mario Secasa - Discerning Marriage Podcast by Theology of the Body Institute What the Heck is Courtship: ft. Oliver Pappas - What in the Dang Heck Podcast |
Videos
Check out these videos for more on dating & friendship!
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